A “Sexy” woman is a woman who likes herself as she is. Yea right. We have all heard this before. What does it really mean? So I love myself, I think I am groovy, and unless I plan on doing everything by myself there are still other factors of what society finds “Sexy”. So we are told as little girls “You don’t need the praise of others, as long as you feel good about yourself”. How is that working for you? I find myself dating again at 50. Sure is different. At one time my profile stated, Athletic, ambitious, energetic, financially secure, Foodie, drug and disease free, world traveler, personal and professional growth a priority. Nowadays, it reads more like, loves cuddling at home, home cooked meals, Netflix, walks in the garden, relaxing wade pools, sense of humor, retired preferred, children, grown and gone. What a difference 10 years makes.

So, now I have to find the new improved older me. My body is not as tight except around my tummy where I once carried my babies. Today, “No, I am NOT pregnant” is used more often. I cut my hair because my muscles ache and cannot lift my arms to roll brush my hair or even put hair in a ponytail. I bought Ponds cream for the first time. Why, because my grandmother did. Where my long toned legs would put on high heels every day and would give me that extra lift for my tush and calves. I now am being fitted for my orthopedics. My expensive wardrobe that fitted my toned body and gave me a polished look has been replaced by sundresses and mom jeans. Where my dream for the big 50 was a sports car paid in cash, I received complimentary from the VA my Nova walker. Yes, 50 is not being too kind to me.

So what can a seasoned mature grandmother and retired woman do nowadays to stay in the game of dating and love? How about gestures. That is not too hard on the body. Discover the sensuality of gestures, the way you smile and the smiles of people around you. I can do that. How about the attitude? If you can convince yourself you are HOT, then by all means being sexy is an attitude and it starts by trusting yourself. Outside, it means a feminine allure, friendly, a woman who knows how to flirt and to keep a slightly mysterious air. In addition, the means to feel comfortable in the clothes you wear and feel beautiful. Even if the media sometimes promotes a vamp style, I promise you that there are other ways in which you can be noticed. My vamp went bye bye with my high heels. The art of being sexy is to have a neat appearance without seeming like you’ve spent hours in front of the mirror, cosmetics or in stores. This statement should really say, more is more when you have more to cover up.

My cute freckles seem to have changed to age spots. Not so cute. Take my word for it there is nothing more ridiculous than a woman in high heels at the beach. Or my elephant legs shoved into “Stuart Weitzman” rage of the month. stuartA style personality check is the essence of what will make you feel at ease and little tricks of makeup or colored underwear will help you change your attitude. Sure it will. My lips look like my Aunt Fanny back in the day, dry and hot red. As for colored underwear, what the heck does that mean? Gone are the days of matching Bra and Panty set from Victoria’s Secret. Playtex and I have a new friendship. White, black, or beige are my only choices. No color there. Try sexy lingerie, corset, stockings and a garter will make you feel powerful and seductive – wait a minute. What about the proverbial thong?. Do my Spanx, compression stockings and my waistband to keep my new hernia in tack go on top or beneath my new sexy wear? I definitely need a different kind of attitude that attracts men. Try a variety of red lipsticks that works for your skin tone. In case you did not know, a red lipstick was created to suggest lip shade after an intense kiss. And finally, the fragrance is essential – a statement of seduction that you want to print, invisible, in memory of your partner. I guess my ointments must not be included in the fragrance list. All these tools of seduction are taking place and help to proceed in the right direction – even before you dress! Next segment, is dating like you are naked.

Every woman is beautiful and gentlemen please do remind your lovers every day, as they are special and unique. Gentlemen, you could do more, often give up on nonsensical criticisms and focus on quality. As for the ladies that love the ladies, give us a break. We need to be kind to one another. The profiles that say I am 50 but look and act 30, seeking someone who is thin, petite, NO BBW’s, feminine and beautiful and smart yet loves to hike, bike, motor cross…Really? Are you serious? Ladies, do nothing and allow your confidence in your sensual qualities, physical and spiritual self-use it’s GPS to find you that one. Sure, unless I am ordering a mail order bride or groom, even then the bias is pretty clear. So the chubbies don’t want the chubbies, the shorties don’t want the shorties, the disabled don’t want the disabled. It is exhausting. Face it. We are getting older, we are sagging, we are balding, we are not as swift, we take medication of some sort, our children are grown, our children are too busy, our nosy neighbors are now our companions and happy hours at the clubhouse is the highlight of the month.

Trust yourself, do not give up! Buy your favorite perfume, wear your favorite dress, walk with friends, remember that each of you lies a beautiful woman, strong and sexy (sexy as in sensual) because if you don’t find “the One” there are other venues to take care of our basic needs. Ask me. The most important rule to follow at any age, women are beautiful. Not just to our mothers. Now get over yourself and love the woman you are.

Anita Miranda, Retired Navy, Single Again, Living Differently Abled, and 53